Written by Kristi Spence, LMFT-C
Christmas is coming, and it can be a magical time for families. It can also be very stressful between shopping, adjusting to new schedules, trying to fit in all the festivities, and seeing family and friends. If you have kids, you will likely experience more meltdowns and chaos due to all the business of the season. Here are four ways to set your kids up for success this holiday, so that you can spend more time savoring and less time stressing!
- Create a routine and allow flexibility.
During this busy time, it is important to set a daily routine for your children. Routines are important because they give kids stability throughout the day, leading to fewer meltdowns. Create a routine with at least three events that happen at the same time each day. For example lunch at noon, nap at 2:00 PM, and bedtime at 8:00 PM. Don’t plan out and schedule every hour of the day, as this can also add to the stress (kids need some free time, too!).
Once you have a loose routine, you can allow some flexibility. Maybe one night, the kids get to stay up late for a party or movie night. Maybe one day the kids have to skip a nap. It’s okay to deviate from the routine, as long as the routine is consent most of the time. For guidance with creating a consistent yet flexible routine, set up a parent counseling session with one of our family therapists here in Broken Arrow!
- Talk to your child about expectations for gatherings and outings ahead of time
I say this all the time: 80% of effective parenting relies on preparation. With all of the hustle and bustle, your kids may feel tossed around at times. Therefore, spend a lot of time preparing them for your expectations of their behavior.
For example, are you going Christmas shopping? Explain very clearly that your kids will not be getting toys today, and that you expect your kids to use their indoor voices and walking feet. Going to a family gathering? Tell your children that you expect them to use their manners, and to stay at the table until everyone is finished eating. Whatever behavior you want from your children, tell them clearly beforehand, even multiple times. Remember, meltdowns this time of year are completely normal. If you want to learn more about handling tantrums, check out a previous blog I’ve written here.
- Add some meaning behind the holidays
As a parent, there is a lot of temptation to make the holiday all about your kids’ experiences. You might spend a lot of time thinking about how magical and fun you can make the holidays for your kids. After all, who doesn’t LOVE to see their kids light up at the sight of Christmas lights, or a big pile of presents under the tree? However, being overly focused on making Christmas all about the kids can actually lead to disappointment for both you and your children, especially over time.
Make sure that you are reminding yourself and your kids of the bigger meaning behind Christmas. For me, Christmas is about celebrating Jesus Immanuel “God with us.” For others, Christmas may be about spending time with family or remembering to give to those less fortunate. Whatever the meaning is to you, make sure to keep that in mind and incorporate that into your traditions.
- Engage in traditions, make sure everyone is involved, and keep it FUN!
Lastly, start or continue in fun holiday traditions! These traditions really contribute to family bonding, a sense of belonging in the family, and overall closeness and joy. Our family loves to make a gingerbread house together, look at Christmas lights around town, and decorate the Christmas tree.
It’s very important to avoid using these rituals as rewards and punishments for behavior. Don’t threaten your children with missing out on these activities if they don’t behave well (even, or especially, if you don’t intend on following through). A sense of belonging in the family is important for every child’s well-being, which is why everyone should be allowed to participate.
And remember, keep it FUN! I struggle with this. One year, I decided to make cookies with my almost-two-year-old son. He really just wanted to stick his hands in the dough and play with the rolling pin and flour. This irritated me, so I ended up getting impatient with my son and making the cookies by myself. I was more concerned with doing that activity “right,” when I should have been focused on bonding with my son.
Of course, you should always have boundaries of some sort. But in these special circumstances, allow as much freedom as possible and remember the goal is to create fun memories. Be patient, laugh it off, and go with the flow. Some ideas for traditions are:
- Make and decorate cookies (have a competition!)
- Watch Christmas movies
- Volunteer at a shelter
- Pick out toys for other children in need
- Go Christmas caroling
- Make a Christmas craft
- Elf on the shelf
- Reading a chapter of Luke each night in December
- Take a limo tour of holiday lights (or grab some hot chocolate and drive yourselves around!)
- Decorate the Christmas tree
- Bake Christmas desserts for neighbors
- Make Christmas cards to send
- Sing Christmas songs together
- If you’re creative, make your own holiday movie together! Or reenact a favorite movie! Film it!
If your attempts at family bonding always turn into fights and yelling, it might be a great time to schedule a family therapy session! Family counseling will help your family manage conflict, create more positive interactions, and set healthy boundaries.
During the most wonderful time of year, set your kids up for success! Use these four tips to maximize the fun and minimize the stress. Of course, if you feel that your family could use additional help with bonding or behavior, please contact Legacy Counseling Service of Broken Arrow at (918)-505-4367 to schedule a family therapy session.
Merry Christmas!
Kristi Spence, LMFT-C