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Hi, I’m dr. Melissa, lady psychologist at Legacy counseling service in Broken Arrow Oklahoma, thanks for joining me today to be able to talk about an area where people tend to get really stuck, I’m something that I see a lot when I work with people, and that is The idea of trying to avoid negative feelings or feelings that we don’t think you are okay to have so these might be feeling of frustration or sadness or agitation or irritability things like that, and so it sometimes in our society. We can grow up and feel like. It’S really not okay to have those feelings, and so, when we move into adulthood – and we start to notice that every once in a while, we have those feelings or maybe we’re having those feelings and they’re sticking around. We try to avoid them a lot or we try to adjust instead of even understanding what’s happening, we just pull away from them and pull away from them, and then we just getting a cycle where it keeps back up again. So I wanted to show you a little one way to look at this idea of actually approaching negative feelings that you understand what you’re dealing with and to open up those feelings a little bit more. So you may have seen these before. This is a Chinese finger. Cuffs – and you know if you are probably 30 and over – you probably remember these, Tulsa Counseling Services but this is a good demonstration of what can happen sometimes when we too quickly try to pull away from negative feelings.

So you know, when you put your fingers in Chinese finger cuffs you pull out, it actually traps your fingers a little bit more, and so you can, you know you can work really hard and it actually just that the cuff just tend to tighten and we get Really stuck in there, but when we allow for those feelings and we kind of ease up a little bit, you can see the tension of the cuff changing so when we allow ourselves to you, lose feelings and understand what we’re dealing with I’m. That actually gives us more of an ability to release the tension that were struggling with and actually figure out how we can move away from those feelings a little bit little bit more, and you know we might end up getting back in there. Sometimes because life is hard and we all struggle, but you know when we just work so hard to try to pretend it’s not there. We get really stuck. So one of the ways that I like to work with people in therapy is to help them going to open up to these feelings, the negative feelings that we try to avoid learn how to get to ease into a little bit. So this cuff loosens up a little bit, allows you to live more according to what’s important to you into your values, rather than spending all your time and your energy, I’m just trying to figure out. How can I avoid ever having these negative feelings stay tuned for more videos, Tulsa Counseling Services and I will see you soon thanks so much bye. Hi again, this is dr. Melissa, lady from Legacy counseling service in Broken Arrow Oklahoma. Today is the third video series talking about psychological flexibility? I so if you haven’t seen the other two videos about the introduction of psychological flexibility or being a good quarterback in your own life and then the next video of talking about the concepts of diffusion and expansion. You might want to check those out on my YouTube channel today.

This video, we are going to talk about the other concepts related to psychological flexibility, which is connection and the observing self. So connection really is referring to that place where you are very present in the here and now so you’re not focused on the past you’re, not focus on regret and thinking about will what, if I did, XYZand you’re not focus on the future, where you’re worried about You know what what if XYZ happens but you’re very present. You know you’re very aware of what you’re hearing and smelling and seen and tasting and touching you are really focusing your attention on the here and now, and sometimes I can be really difficult to do, because our minds are very busy places and we like to try To analyze and interpret and change and criticize and judge and all that stuff, and so we can be really difficult to stay present in the moment. But that is one of the concept of psychological flexibility. Is that you develop, and you hone that skill so that you don’t get distracted by thoughts of the future and you don’t get distracted by thoughts of the past and every time you noticed that distraction. You bring yourself back to the present tense to the here-and-now to playing with your kids or going on your walk or taking your bath or eating your food so. Tulsa Counseling Services That the next concept is the concept of the observing self, and this is a concept that, in Western culture we are not super familiar with, but the observing self is a self just that does just that right. It’S the part of you that can observe, what’s happening to you what’s going on around you, but it’s not thinking so the main responsibilities of the part of ourselves. Tulsa Counseling Services That observes is that it’s responsible for focusing and paying attention and it’s responsible for awareness right awareness of. What’S going on around you awareness of what’s going on within you, so the observing self it doesn’t analyze or judge or critique or try to change or or whatever it just kind of focuses and observes what’s happening, I’m!

So if you imagine that, like a tennis, ball were to be coming at you, if that tennis ball worth not you, you probably wouldn’t be thinking wow, that’s all is coming at me really fast, and I wonder if I’m in a good position to hit, probably wouldn’t be Thinking that, initially what would be happening, you would just be observing that ball coming and you would be responding to it in a present here and now moment and that’s kind of what the observing cells does. It notices what types of things you’re thinking about it, notices. What types of things you’re feeling and that’s its job and so the more that the observing self is nurtured. The more you can practice that concept of diffusion that we talked about in the last video, where the observing self can help you diffuse and say I’m noticing the thought. That i can’t do this, I’m noticing the thought that everyone hates me I’m noticing the feeling of disappointment. I’M noticing the feeling of loneliness, so the more you’re observant self is nurtured. Tulsa Counseling Services The more you can practice diffusion part of the trickiness of psychological flexibility is all these Concepts that I’m talking about the kind of weave together and they’re they’re really interrelated. So it’s it’s kind of a difficult concept to talk about, but it is a very healthy place to get too and that’s one of the places I would love to help you get I’m just from these videos for through therapy, so anyways stay tuned. The last video that all do we’ll talk about the final two concepts of psychological flexibility and I’ll, give you some information about that. So I hope you have a great day stay tuned.