Tulsa Counseling Services | No comparison
Is that look at people, regardless of what they’re coming to see me for the one thing that I see in each one of them? Is they want change? They want something different than what’s going on right now, and sometimes they know what they want. They just don’t know how to get there, and sometimes they have no idea. They just know that, where they’re at right now is not working, todayI know, I guess I see that people ultimately that people really do have the ability to make change and what they have. The the courage to do it, I think that they just they just need some time to not listen, every single, anxious thought or depression, thought or thoughts from other people, and you know sometimes we there’s these cultural myths in our society that you know we perpetrated overtime Of you know like I can’t do every if you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all. Well, you know, I think, that’s the stupidest worst thing that we could think, because if it’s the first time or first 5 times, you were doing something the chances of you doing it perfect are pretty slim and you know so I think they don’t. You know we have these cultural lies that have been kind of we’ve been taught with her things like you know, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Well, Tulsa Counseling Services oh my gosh. Most of the time when people come to see us, it’s because someone’s words have really really hurt them and they have started to cut infiltrate their spirit and and how they believe about themselves, and so words really can’t hurt. So I think you know just the one thing is that people need help and they need they need support and they they need. Sometimes I just need some practical skills like sometimes we just our head gets on a Runway and we forget like oh, if I could just sit and be still for a little bit or if I could. You know try not to avoid this thing, then maybe that would help bring a chain. The commonalities I see across different types of people is the need to be needed. Tulsa Counseling Services The need to be loved and accepted the need to be valued, the need to be understood and validated, and when we don’t get those things and we feel like we can’t or won’t, let us work the cultural things that she was saying. You know they going to get in our way and then we can start to believe those things and that’s what it’s really hard and we can see some deep is that you were told these things and maybe even other people perpetrated bad things on you and now To blame those for yourself and now I’m living like that and it kind of a lot to unravel. But but I see that people really just at the bottom of work or just really need to feel loved and understood and respected, not safe.
Sometimes, people don’t really know where they need to change like everything feels too satisfying and they don’t feel like they’re living a life of meaning. And I I find that like when you really kind of dig in there and you really look at all the areas of life for their dissatisfied. Sometimes it’s distilled down to just a couple main areas that if you can and honestly I find that the spiritual component tends to be one of those things, because I think spiritually we will kind of whatever is happening on the outside of our Lives. Often tense of parallel with helping with the spiritually and so not always, but anyway, you know when you can kind of fine like they’re, these two main areas that if you could just start, make a little bit of movement, leaning a little bit, Tulsa Counseling Services maybe find one practical Thing that would help you lean into that start season changes. You’Ve got this kind of Snowball Effect and you know I always I work with a lot of small business owners as well in my practice, and we talked about the 80/20 principle and now I just started talking to all my clients about that. Tulsa Counseling ServicesBut you know the 80/20 principle is basically like 20 % of what you do Mike produce 80 % of the results right. So if you have an area of change where your stuff and you’re not you’re, not satisfied or you’re, not feeling like you’re living a life of meaning, are there just one or two things that you can do? That is actually going to make a big difference. You know it’s alright, I approach a lot of it like that and then also I really look at how it important than confidence right. So it is it. You really feel like this. Particular change is really important for you to make cuz. Sometimes people will say well you need to do this this this this and this right people outside of of well just people, and so they will think what I have to do. Everything cuz everything is important, but for that particular person, not everything is important. Tulsa Counseling Services So I always want to know what do you feel is important, and even if you don’t know what that change looks like that’s part of our job interview Were Meant to figure that out together, but also, how confident do you feel? Because, if you need to make this huge change – and you have no model sever you just you, don’t know anybody who’s done it,
you have no idea how to even begin any of it or maintain it, and you feel really a lack of confidence will. That’S also part of my job is to figure out what else did you do some really difficult things, and how can how can we try to increase that sense of confidence that you can do something hard? You can do something you’ve never done before you done it before you know, and so you can do it again. We just have to put some systems in place to help. You do that and I really like to do that because you know when people get into depression or anxiety or grief they we just naturally our minds we forget about what we do well and what we have overcome. And so I love to be able to bring those things up for people and draw that out of them because they have a lot of evidence from their own life that wow. Tulsa Counseling Services I forgot about that thing 15 years ago. That was a hard time and look how that look, what I did there and how did I make that happen or what was going on environmentally? Tulsa Counseling Services That supported me to be able to do that. We have all kinds of evidence from her own life about how we can make change and we can find support, and I don’t ever want people to forget about that. It’S, like I kind of feel like it’s our own personal Bible. You know that if you wrote the story of your life and all these different trials and tribulations and how what happened in that situation, if I you can see a lot of evidence, ofRedemption peace and you know it, how often people forget what they’ve done and how They’Ve been successful in the past, but that really, I think that really is a big part of our job – is to just remind them that you’ve done this before you have the strength to do this, but you are a Survivor right and you got the driver and You can Thrive, you can and another part IPM piece I think of change is fear itself. I’M afraid that if I changed and I have to maintain that change – I don’t know how to maintain that change or at all the expectations. Now, if I’ve changed everyone’s going to like look at me and I’m expected to follow through or just the fear of, Tulsa Counseling Services how do I even start and end remembering I have gone through those things, I think fear can be a big problem, and so, if there’s feared Of walking and changed, and that’s also where I like to try to dig in and work and kind of see. Where is that Pierre coming from? Because I know if we can dispel those fears or we can process those beers and – and they usually have something to do something else – I mean then that change might be easier. Well and okay, sorry, I know we’re coming I’m working with people with a chronic illness and red invisible illness that other people can’t really see.
You know what to make it change means that the system is going to change. If I do something different, that’s going to require people around me to do something different and by Nature we wanted. We want the system to stay the same right, and so are we talk to people about how are assistant, like our friendship systems? Are family systems? Are work systems even argue, no more spiritual Community Systems, we’re kind of like a thermostat right there with you if you’re here and your temperature is at 70 and you are like I’d only like 70 – doesn’t really feel that good for me and so you’re in therapy, and I want to be, I want to make a change and we want it. We move your temperature up to 75 will by Nature the thermostat says they will 75, it’s not what the set temperature is and so everybody’s going to push back to make you go back to your 70° because that’s where everybody else is comfortable and where everybody else’s. That’S how they’ve been doing your their relationship with you, and so that’s one of the risks of therapy honestly, Tulsa Counseling Services is that when you’re coming to therapy and we’re going to help, you make a change. Well, yours! Your system is going to push back a little bit, hopefully in a nice gentle way, but you know I always want to prep people for that, because that is just how systems work. We have physical systems that suggest you no feedback DARCARS in feedback loops on thermometers and thermostat, but we really have that thing: feedback loop in our systems and so that’s something for people to be aware of, and I think that the fear that comes up is, if I Do this different, I don’t know how my husband is going to respond. I don’t know how my child is going to respond for my friend or I can be really scary what if they lose that person