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Hi again, I’m dr. Melissa, lady from Legacy counseling service in Broken Arrow Oklahoma. Today is the first video in the psychological flexibility series, and today I’m going to going to talk about the first two concepts related to psychological flexibility. So the first concept is a concept called diffusion and diffusion is basically the opposite of fusion. So when you think about Fusion, you can think about heat fusing two things together: two pieces of heavy metal together so in psychological flexibility, the concept of diffusion it to separate those two pieces. So generally, what happens it’s when we have thoughts or feelings, we tend to fuse with them and we assume our identity based on those things so. What am I talking about here? Basically, Tulsa Counseling Services if we have a thought, let’s say that I can’t ever figure anything out, and so we have that thought and we fuse with it and we start to say I’m a loser or I can never do anything right and we start to believe that that is Actually part of our identity, and what we want to do in diffusion is to separate those things out by helping you kind of create them distance. So there’s a couple ways that you can do that. One is by noticing the things that your mind says to you, and you can say this to yourself in your head, or you can say it out loud and therapy. I correct a lot of people when they use language that suggests Fusion. So the way that you would want to do, that is to say something like I’m noticing the thought of incompetence or I’m having them noticing that I am having the thought that I can’t do this things like that.

I’M noticing but I’m having a feeling of irritability or I’m noticing that I’m having the feeling of sadness right. So as you do that over time, you start to create kind of a separation or a distance between yourself and your thoughts or your feelings, so that you start to realize that, just because you have a thought or just because you have a feeling does not mean That you actually are that thought or that you actually are that feeling. So as we work around this a little bit more, we talked about in therapy. We talked about how thoughts are simply that they are just thoughts, and just because you have them doesn’t mean you have to believe them, Tulsa Counseling Services and it doesn’t mean that you have to act on them so. Sometimes you might notice that you have a thought that you don’t actually act on. You know it might be a thought that is just kind of outlandish or inappropriate are or what not, but you don’t actually act on that thought. So I want you to keep that in mind that, just because you have a thought doesn’t mean it’s true, and it doesn’t mean that you have to act on it because in reality there’s some thought that we have that we never act on and some thoughts that We have that we immediately after on, because we assume they’re true, even though we don’t really know so.

That’S the concept of diffusion and Concepts that I want to talk about is expansion in this is basically the idea of making room for difficult thoughts or difficult feelings. So one of the things that tends to happen is that we push our thoughts and we push our feelings down and we try to suppress them because they feel uncomfortable right. Rightly so. Tulsa Counseling Services But we try to push him down and we use all of our energy and. After a while, when we lose so much energy – and we just can’t do it anymore, we’re just kind of add edge, then one little slip and that stuff just comes up and it’s a little bit destructive. You can kind of think of this concept as like. If you were pushing a beach ball under the water right, if you had a big beach ball, you would have to use both hands to push that down under the water so that it doesn’t pop up again overtime. All that energy and effort that you’re putting into pushing that stuff down, really gets in the way of you doing anything else right, Tulsa Counseling Services you let one hand go and that beach ball comes up, and there is there’s water in your face at the ball, might hit you In the face and might hit somebody else and that’s how are emotions are in our feelings, and I thought it so when we try to push that stuff down after a while something’s going to slip and those things are going to come up. So the idea of expansion is to learn the skill to allow that ball to float gently on the water so that it doesn’t have the sameEmpower and it hot doesn’t have the same destructive qualities as when it had energy from when you were pushing it down.

So that’s the idea of expansion or opening yourself up too difficult thoughts or feelings. So this is a little bit more difficult concept to grasp just threw a video, but it’s one of the things that we talked a lot about in therapy. So what I would like for you to do is just noticed on a daily basis, just see if you can notice efforts that you’re making to to push your feelings down or push your thoughts down or avoid something or not think about it. I just want you to notice when you’re doing that and as you become more aware, when you’re doing that, you can start to become more aware that gosh, when I don’t work on pushing them down and that stuff is going to float on the surface it’s, not quite As powerful or scary, as I thought it would be, and that’s one of the concepts that we work on in therapy so anyway stay tuned for the next couple. Videos, I’m going to explain some of the remaining concepts of psychological flexibility. If you’re wondering what I’m talking about in regards to psychological flexibility check out my previous YouTube video, where I introduced this concept to you so hopefully this gives you a little bit more insight into yourself and stay tuned, and I will send you some more videos in The future take care.