intake@legacycounselingservices.com | (918) 505-4367
  • Behance
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
Make an Appointment: intake@legacycounselingservices.com | (918) 505-4367
logo
Contact Us Portal for Existing Clients

2035 W. Houston Street, Suite A | Broken Arrow, OK 74012
intake@legacycounselingservices.com | (918) 505-4367

  • Home
  • Our Therapists
    • Dr. Patrick McCain, LPC – Online Therapist
    • Sam Guzman, LPC-Candidate
    • April Reeder, LPC
    • Ted Robinson, LPC
    • Christina Parks, LPC, Clinical Director
    • Sandy Stone, LPC
    • Patti Trammell, LCSW
    • Dr. Melissa J. Leedy, Ph.D. Psychologist
    • Kristi Spence, LMFT-Candidate
    • Currently Hiring – Remote or Hybrid
  • Services
    • Online Therapy in Oklahoma
    • Relationship counseling
      • Couples Counseling
      • Pre-Marital Counseling
    • Family Counseling
    • Workshops/Groups Tulsa
      • Battle Buddies: Online Chronic Pain & Illness Support Group
      • Active Parenting of Teens Workshop
      • Virtual Teens Emotional Wellness Group
      • The Book Club with April Reeder, LPC
      • Story Groups Workshops
    • Teen Counseling
      • Tulsa Anxiety Counseling for Teens
      • Tulsa Counseling for Bullied Teens
      • Tulsa Counseling for Depressed Teens
    • Individual Counseling
      • Tulsa Counseling for Adult Anxiety and Worry
      • Tulsa Counseling for Adult Depression
      • Tulsa Counseling for Chronic Illness, Chronic Disease, and Injury
      • Tulsa Counseling for Chronic Pain
      • Tulsa Counseling for Depressed, Anxious, or Stressed Women
      • Tulsa Counseling for Insomnia
      • Grief & Bereavement Counseling
      • Counseling for Trauma
      • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
      • Counseling for Anxiety
      • Therapy for Depression
      • Emergency and Crisis Management Referrals
    • EMDR Tulsa Counseling for Adults
    • Men’s Issues
    • Public Speaking
    • Therapist Continuing Education Trainings
    • Become an Affiliated Therapist
    • Business Coaching / Consulting for Small Business Owners
  • Getting Started
    • FAQs
    • Client Forms
    • Scheduling and Billing Service
  • Resources
    • Mental Health Links
    • Physical Health Links
    • COVID-19: In-Office and Telehealth Counseling
  • Contact
  • Videos & Blog
  • Currently Hiring – Remote or Hybrid
Close menu
  • Home
  • Our Therapists
    • Dr. Patrick McCain, LPC – Online Therapist
    • Sam Guzman, LPC-Candidate
    • April Reeder, LPC
    • Ted Robinson, LPC
    • Christina Parks, LPC, Clinical Director
    • Sandy Stone, LPC
    • Patti Trammell, LCSW
    • Dr. Melissa J. Leedy, Ph.D. Psychologist
    • Kristi Spence, LMFT-Candidate
    • Currently Hiring – Remote or Hybrid
  • Services
    • Online Therapy in Oklahoma
    • Relationship counseling
      • Couples Counseling
      • Pre-Marital Counseling
    • Family Counseling
    • Workshops/Groups Tulsa
      • Battle Buddies: Online Chronic Pain & Illness Support Group
      • Active Parenting of Teens Workshop
      • Virtual Teens Emotional Wellness Group
      • The Book Club with April Reeder, LPC
      • Story Groups Workshops
    • Teen Counseling
      • Tulsa Anxiety Counseling for Teens
      • Tulsa Counseling for Bullied Teens
      • Tulsa Counseling for Depressed Teens
    • Individual Counseling
      • Tulsa Counseling for Adult Anxiety and Worry
      • Tulsa Counseling for Adult Depression
      • Tulsa Counseling for Chronic Illness, Chronic Disease, and Injury
      • Tulsa Counseling for Chronic Pain
      • Tulsa Counseling for Depressed, Anxious, or Stressed Women
      • Tulsa Counseling for Insomnia
      • Grief & Bereavement Counseling
      • Counseling for Trauma
      • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
      • Counseling for Anxiety
      • Therapy for Depression
      • Emergency and Crisis Management Referrals
    • EMDR Tulsa Counseling for Adults
    • Men’s Issues
    • Public Speaking
    • Therapist Continuing Education Trainings
    • Become an Affiliated Therapist
    • Business Coaching / Consulting for Small Business Owners
  • Getting Started
    • FAQs
    • Client Forms
    • Scheduling and Billing Service
  • Resources
    • Mental Health Links
    • Physical Health Links
    • COVID-19: In-Office and Telehealth Counseling
  • Contact
  • Videos & Blog
  • Currently Hiring – Remote or Hybrid
  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • YouTube
(918) 505-4367

intake@legacycounselingservices.com

CORE VALUES: Excellence | Integrity | Authenticity | Personal Growth

Setting Yourself up for Success: How to Start Difficult Conversations with your Partner

September 22, 2021 by Melissa Leedy Leave a Comment

Written by Raechel Russo, LMFT-C

If you’re in a committed relationship, it is likely that you have had some uncomfortable conversations with your partner. It is an inevitable fact of relationships that partners will disagree at times. When you do need to have these difficult talks, how can you start them in a way that sets you up for a productive conversation? The goal is to resolve the issue rather than have a heated fight that leaves you feeling worse than you did before.

Here are a few steps to follow: 1) establish a good time to talk, 2) use an I-statement to express how you are feeling and 3) state what you need.

  1. Establish a good time to talk

Timing is everything. If you catch your partner during a stressful time, it could be difficult for them to focus on what you have to say or respond in a compassionate manner. Try to start the conversation by letting them know that you have something you would like to discuss and ask if this is a good time for them to listen. If it is not a good time, respect their wishes and try to set a time that would work better for both of you. However, be careful not to let this be a way for conversations to be avoided. Setting a specific and reasonable time to come back to the subject is a crucial part of this step.

  1. Use an I-statement to express how you are feeling.

Instead of beginning with an accusation, express how you are feeling using an I-statement such as “I have been feeling overwhelmed lately trying to get all the household responsibilities done.” or “I have been feeling very lonely lately and I feel like it has been difficult for us to connect.” This allows your partner to see into your world and understand more about why the issue at hand is important to you. 

  1. State what you need.

It can be easy to fall into the trap of assuming that your partner knows what you need. However, this is often not the case. In order to get what you are looking for out of the conversation, it is important to be clear about what you need from your partner. Examples of this might be “I would really appreciate it if you took responsibility over getting the dishes done.” or “I would like to go on more consistent dates so we can spend more time together.” This helps establish a clearer direction for the conversation and provides a solution that you can try as a couple.

All together, these steps might look something like this: “Hey, I have something I want to talk about, is this a good time for you? (partner agrees). I have been feeling very lonely lately and I feel like it has been difficult for us to connect. I would like to go on more consistent dates so we can spend more time together. What are your thoughts?”. 

Conclusion

How you start a conversation greatly influences how it will go. It helps set the tone for the conversation. Establishing a good time to talk, using I-statements and stating a need can help you give yourself the best chance of having a productive conversation with your partner. Give these steps a try and see how it goes!

If you and your partner need more expert help in your relationship, reach out to us at www.legacycounselingservices.com to connect with me, or another marriage and family therapist to set up couples counseling. Or check out our 8-week Couples Enhancement Workshop for even more in-depth worth that is specific to you and your partner. 

Take care, 

Raechel Russo, LMFT-C

References

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert. Harmony.

Filed Under: Couples/Marriage, Family Therapy, Issues for Women, Men's Issues, Uncategorized, Women's Issues

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

2035 W. Houston Street, Suite A
Broken Arrow, OK 74012

(918) 505-4367
intake@legacycounselingservices.com

About Us

 
  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • YouTube

Office Hours

7 days a week, daytime and evening, by appointment only.

Request Appointment

Contact Information

2035 W. Houston Street, Suite A
Broken Arrow, OK 74012

  • Email
  • Phone

Privacy Policy

A Therapist Website by Brighter Vision

Business Hours and Insurance Benefits

Insurance changes have been in effect since Nov 1, 2022. Please double-check with your insurance to ENSURE THAT YOUR PROVIDER IS STILL IN-NETWORK for your specific policy FOR IN-OFFICE AND TELEHEALTH BEHAVIORAL HEALTH VISITS. Ask if your provider is approved for telehealth, as some insurance companies require the use of a specific company, such as MD Live, which we are NOT paneled with. Write the time/day you called, the name of the person you spoke with, and the reference number.

Our administrative office hours are Mon -Tues. 9 am-5 pm and Friday 9 am-Noon.  You may also reach out to us through the contact form (https://forms.gle/v9eSAFeETk7K4Kbw8).

Due to high volume, CALLS AND WEBSITE INQUIRIES WILL BE RETURNED WITHIN 3-5 BUSINESS DAYS.  Thanks for your patience.

Thank you, and we look forward to connecting with you!