A few months ago, my newly driving daughter and I attended an abbreviated defensive driving class. These four hours of instruction, observation, and feedback from the instructor and two other drivers (who happened to be close friends) were quite, well… instructive…in more ways than one, even for a seasoned driver. After all, I’ve been driving for decades – how much more could I possibly learn?
Each student driver took turns being the observer/peer evaluator and the driver, whose job it was to narrate, out loud, their observations of the surroundings and the actions they took and why. Being in the peer/observer role was great! Sitting in the back seat with my pen and form in hand, I carefully made tic marks next to the specific habits I was tasked to observe as my friends drove. “Checking all mirrors frequently?” Check. “Looking both ways as they approach an intersection?” Check. “Two hands on the wheel at all times?” Check. “Maintaining a 4-second distance with the car ahead?” Check. “Creating a cushion of space from the other cars around them?” No check! “HA!” my competitive evaluator-self thought! “I definitely won’t make THAT mistake – I’m a great driver!” My head ballooned with self-pride.
Next, it was my turn to drive. “Easy-peasy!” I thought to myself. I did all the things: adjusted my mirrors just so, did a 360 observation of my surroundings before pulling out of the lot, and turned my signal on before turning onto the main road. “Crap…I forgot to narrate!” Then I began the uncomfortable task of narrating: “I’m noticing a pedestrian walking close to the street, so I’m going to move over one lane.” “Cars ahead of me are braking, so I’m going to take my foot off the gas and coast a bit so I can come to a slow, easy stop.” “I’m checking my speed because I just passed a police officer and don’t want to get a ticket,” I half-joked. The patient and encouraging instructor sat next to me, pen in hand, eyes softly but intently watching my every move. Then he’d look down at his form and check, check, check, no check, no check, and then scribble, scribble, scribble notes about my driving.
After my driving portion was done, I pulled into a parking lot to get feedback from my fellow student-drivers (including my daughter) and the instructor. “You did a good job at looking ahead of you and making decisions to ease off the gas….it made for a comfortable drive back here.” “Good job checking your mirrors.” The positive accolades kept coming in—my self-pride swelled. “See, I AM a good driver!” I thought to myself. Then, “I noticed that you only had one hand on the wheel until you saw that police car,” the instructor said. “I noticed that sometimes you seemed more concerned about maintaining speed rather than keeping a 4-second distance between you and the car ahead…it made me a little anxious,” my daughter said. “You weren’t always checking your mirrors, so you weren’t aware of how close other cars were…. You didn’t create that cushion of space for yourself,” my student-friends said. The balloon of self-pride deflated slowly with each corrective observation.
Since taking that defensive driving course, I’ve made adjustments to my driving. While I still don’t always keep both hands on the steering wheel, I am much more conscious of creating space around me. I find a fixed point of the car ahead of me and count “one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi.” Good. Enough distance so that I can relax while I drive. “I don’t need to be in such a hurry….it won’t actually get me there any faster,” I often think as I resist changing lanes multiple times just to get ahead by a few seconds. I ease off the gas when I see brake lights ahead so I can come to a gentle stop—it’s much more comfortable for me and my passengers.
I’ve noticed, too, that I’ve been applying these same lessons in my daily life. “Will I REALLY get more done by scheduling back-to-back?” No. I will be more relaxed and prepared if I give myself 10 or 15 minutes before the next appointment. “Do I really need to work through lunch every day?” No. I actually have a better attitude and am more rested and productive when I take at least 30 minutes for lunch and listen to a podcast or audiobook. “Do I really need to worry about ALL the things that are ahead of me?” No, I can write down all the stuff I need to do or am thinking about and put a few things on my to-do list for today, and work on those. “Do I really need to complain to someone about this minor irritation?” No. I can be forgiving and realize annoying things happen. I can be intentional about noticing the beautiful things and people around me and express thankfulness.
Despite all my years of driving, I still had lessons to learn about how to drive more safely and in a way that was less stressful and less anxiety-producing. Narrating while driving helped me be more aware of my blind spots. Getting feedback from others humbled me. Being willing to adapt helped me correct poor habits. I realized that easing off the gas pedal to create space around my moving vehicle resulted in a much more pleasant, less stressful driving experience. I realized that I had bought into the belief that moving faster always got me somewhere more quickly. I realized I like driving and that I’m a pretty good driver, as long as I keep my defensive driving strategies in place most of the time. So, I guess I was wrong; I actually had a lot I could learn from defensive driving lessons.
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